


Perfect

by justhere



Series: Quand tout se perd [2]
Category: Infinite (Band), K-pop
Genre: Alternate Ending, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Past Abuse, Sequel, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-15
Updated: 2015-08-15
Packaged: 2018-04-14 21:12:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4580310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justhere/pseuds/justhere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dongwoo learns what it is to accept himself and to fall in love with a new person after getting out of an abusive relationship lasting several years. </p>
<p>Sequel and 1st Alternate Ending to: Concealed</p>
            </blockquote>





	Perfect

"How did it go?" Woohyun demanded the moment Dongwoo walked through their front door that evening.

"Calm down," Dongwoo demanded defeatedly, removing his suit jacket and hanging it over his shoulder as he trudged further into the house.

Woohyun's expression fell. "Really? Not good?"

"Useless," Dongwoo confirmed, slumping onto the couch and sinking into the cushions. "I don't even know why I tried for that one. There's no way they would hire me with this kind of resume. He just kept asking me why I had no professional experience for the past 4 years, and it's not like I'm going to be completely honest. They would never want me if they knew how stupid and gullible-"

"Hyung," Woohyun chastised. "It's not your fault," he sympathized, coming to sit beside his friend on the sofa.

"Yeah well I'm pretty much convinced that I'm never going to get a real job at this point. And I don't really have anyone else to blame for that." 

Woohyun frowned because yes, you do have someone else to blame for that, but it's not like anyone could convince Dongwoo of it at this point. It wasn't even worth trying anymore. "How about me and Gyu take you out to dinner tonight? Our treat."

"This isn't something to celebrate, Hyunnie. I should be finding a way to make this better," he mumbled, pulling papers out of the small portfolio he held. "Even people who don't finish university can get jobs, there must be something I'm doing wrong..." He wasn't even talking to Woohyun anymore, scanning over his resume over and over again in concentration.

Woohyun rolled his eyes and pulled the papers from Dongwoo's hands, ignoring the protests. "I offered to go out so you could take a night to relax."

"I don't have time for that, Woohyun, don't you understand?" he exclaimed, reaching for his papers that Woohyun was holding just out of his reach.

"No, I don't understand," he insisted. "There's absolutely no rush! It's only been a month, Dongwoo! One month. We're not kicking you out any time soon so you don't have to stress yourself out this much over finding a stupid job." Woohyun smacked his friend on top of his head with the folder he was holding before dropping it back into Dongwoo's lap. "If it bothers you that much, we can take your resume with us and me and Gyu can help you with it over dinner, but I do not want to see you back out here at two in the morning again working on things that could be done when you wake up. Hear me? You need sleep, look at yourself."

Dongwoo couldn't deny his friend's accusations. He was exhausted and over-worked, in desperate need of a full night's sleep. But he couldn't bring himself to just relax when he was spending his nights on his best friends' couch and getting in their way all the time. The sooner he could move out, the better for everyone.

"Would you?" he asked hopefully.

Woohyun smiled, glad that he might have finally gotten through to his stubborn friend. "Of course we'll help. Sunggyu's pretty good with that stuff anyway."

"I know he is," he said with a sad sounding laugh. "He used to fix it for me back in college without telling me he changed anything. It was more annoying than anything back then, but... Thank you Woohyunnie," he mumbled, leaning over to rest his head on Woohyun's shoulder with a yawn. 

"Go put on something more comfortable," Woohyun suggested. Dongwoo could only nod and move to his suitcase in the corner of the room. Not quite homey, but this was a temporary arrangement anyway. He didn't really have many things he had to collect from Howon's apartment in the first place. Grabbing a change of clothes, he went to the bathroom to clean himself up. After getting out of his stuffy clothes and putting on a regular tshirt and some jeans, he took a moment to splash some cold water on his face to refresh himself. With a sigh and a glance in the mirror, Dongwoo saw nothing but a plain old face with some drops of water still falling from his chin. He wiped them away roughly and grabbed onto the edge of the sink with both hands, staring intently at his reflection now. The cuts and bruises were practically invisible by now- at least the ones on his face- but no matter how many angles he looked from, he could still imagine them all there, tainting his skin.

Dongwoo would like to think that he's good at making friends- that he's kind and fun to be around- but he could never see himself falling in love with anyone ever again. He couldn't picture anyone by his side now that he knew there wasn't someone physically there. That thought alone hurt Dongwoo more than anything else. He gets lonely easily, and he craves that sort of physical and emotional relationship with another person; he needs it. And it's not just for sex or for the sake having a boyfriend. Dongwoo yearns for a physical comfort that he can't get from friends, he just wants to know that there is someone in this world who would love him unconditionally.

But Dongwoo had only just left Howon a month ago, and he didn't think that he was ready to have something like that with someone else quite yet. The recovery process is lonely- it's so lonely- and he's only a month in. He wasn't sure how much more of this he could take.

With a heavy sigh, he pushed himself away from the sink entirely and gathered his things up, gently hanging his nice clothes on a hanger he'd been lent and leaving it hanging in the bathroom. When he emerged from the bathroom, he glanced down the short halls to see if Woohyun was anywhere near. It was pretty much silent in the house, and Dongwoo could only hope that Woohyun had popped out to run a quick errand or something. He just needed a moment by himself.

Dongwoo made his way sluggishly to the couch, not spotting Woohyun anywhere, and proceeded to curl up on the sofa, hugging his pillow to his chest and burying his face deep into it. Seeing his folder placed neatly on the coffee table, he stuck his arm out and swatted it down to the floor in annoyance. No job, no home, no one to hold him at night...

Woohyun watched on silently from the kitchen as Dongwoo curled further into himself on the couch. He wanted to go out there and comfort his friend, but if he had wanted him there, he would have called for him. When Dongwoo unceremoniously shoved his own hard work off of the coffee table, Woohyun had to turn his back. He may be staying under their roof right now, but he still had every right to his privacy. Hearing quiet sniffles coming from the living room, Woohyun crept away from the doorframe and went deeper into the kitchen so his presence wouldn't be noticed.

He knew this must be stressful for his hyung. He and Sunggyu have tried everything to convince him that he's not a hassle to have around, but Dongwoo is a selfless person by nature and wouldn't accept their assurances. Woohyun hated seeing his friend work himself into exhaustion but there was hardly anything he could do about it. He couldn't take back the years of hurt Howon had inflicted upon him; he couldn't just find someone new for Dongwoo- it was too soon for that anyway- and he couldn't love him in the way he needed to be loved right now.

~~

Dongwoo couldn't go back to Woohyun and Sunggyu's house after he'd screwed up his second chance that week. Sunggyu even revised his resume and made it perfect and he got another interview within a few days, but it seems Dongwoo always managed to screw something up. The interview actually went great- or so he thought. He was pretty sure he impressed the man with his knowledge on the subject, so why was he told that he just wasn't 'right for the job'? He must have done something wrong...

Either way, he didn't want to face his friends right now, asking him how everything went as soon as he walks inside. Instead, he passed by a popular cafe down the street on his way back and decided to stop inside for some coffee. Normally, he wouldn't bother with these kinds of simple luxuries; the price of coffee is too much for someone who has to take the public bus instead of a taxi.

Now, though, he really just wanted to stall until he had to tell his friends that he's ruined yet another great opportunity, so he walked inside and moved to the back of the short line with his head down. He felt out of place in his nice clothes and manila folder tucked under his arm when everyone else was dressed so casually for the weekend. His Friday was not going quite as relaxing as these other people's, though.

"Excuse me."

Dongwoo looked up after hearing the voice, wondering if they were talking to him. He saw the person in front of him was turned around a bit to look at him.

"Do you know what time it is?" the man asked politely with an embarrassed smile.

"Oh," Dongwoo exclaimed, shocked out of his mental pity party for a moment as he reached into his pocket to extract his phone. "It's almost 1:30," he reported, shoving it back down into his pocket.

"Thank you," the other man said gratefully, checking the state of the line in front of him briefly before turning his head back to Dongwoo once again. "What are you going to get?" he asked in a friendly manner.

Dongwoo, confused as to why this guy was still making conversation, stuttered a bit upon answering. "Um.. Just.. Just an americano I think..."

"Hey, me too," the man exlaimed happily, grinning widely. "I always come here for one on Fridays before work. I'm Myungsoo, by the way."

"... Dongwoo."

"Nice to meet you! What's that?" he asked, pointing to my folder.

"Oh, that's just.. I'm.. It's my resume and references and stuff..." he replied, scratched the back of his neck with his other hand. He didn't like other people to know his current state- he was rather embarrassed that he was a grown man who didn't have a real job- but for some reason, he didn't mind it right now. It was still pretty awkward how this guy was still talking to him, but he seemed nice and straightforward (and not insane), so Dongwoo didn't think he had anything to worry about. 

The other man's face contorted a bit in disgust. "Oh, job hunting? That sucks, man. Do you have an interview after this or something?"

"Just did," Dongwoo answered, feeling a bit more comfortable now that he saw he wasn't getting ridiculed or even a single judgemental glance from this other guy. "It was a bust though, of course."

"Well what do you do?" Myungsoo asked out of genuine interest.

"I'm an engineer."

"No way! That's really cool, you must be smart. You know, there's actually a-"

"I- I think it's your turn," Dongwoo pointed out cautiously, not wanting to be rude cutting him off like that.

"Oh, sorry," he laughed, turning back around to order. Dongwoo gave a half-smile to the ground. Just someone other than Woohyun or Sunggyu showing him some sliver of attention was enough to brighten his day at least a little bit. He don't know how they had gotten on the topic of his career so easily, but Myungsoo didn't seem to think any less of him for his current standing, which is... more than nice. "Here," the familiar voice cut Dongwoo back out of his thoughts, and he looked back up to see the man holding a to-go cup out towards him.

"Um..." Dongwoo mumbled, reaching forward to take it from him hesitantly, questioning his actions. When he noticed that the other man was holding one in his other hand as well, Dongwoo's eyes went a bit wide. "Oh!" he exlaimed as the other pulled the two of them out of line and in the direction of the counter where all the straws and things were kept.

"You didn't seem to be having the best day, and you also looked a bit familiar, so... I got you an americano. I hope you haven't changed your mind on what you wanted to order-"

"No, I- .. Thank you so much..." Dongwoo gushed, grabbing a plastic straw from the container, pushing off the paper, and slipping it through the lid.

"No problem!" the other replied cheerfully. "Anyway, I was saying that my boss was looking for new maintenance technicians at the station, and if you wanted, I could hook you up with an interview at least. I don't know your credibilities or anything, so it's not like I can promise you a job, but... You know."

Dongwoo's eyes were about to pop right out of his head, and his astonished look must have been what caused the other man to start laughing again. "You.. You what?"

"I mean, would you be interested...? I probably should have asked that first-"

"Yes, of course!" Dongwoo blurted out. He knew nothing about this company or anything, but if there's a possibility that he could be returning to Woohyun in Sunggyu's place with something to say other than 'yeah, I got denied again,' then he was going to take that chance. "Where is it?" 

"It's KBS Radio- ... what? What's with that face?"

Dongwoo sighed deeply, all of that hope just disappearing instantly. "That's where I used to work. I quit about 4 years ago. There's no way they would take me back..."

Myungsoo only got a confused look on his face though, cocking his head to the side a bit with a sly smile. "You wouldn't happen to be... Jang Dongwoo, would you?"

Dongwoo looked a little taken aback. "U-Um... Yes... How would you... know that?"

Myungsoo suddenly laughed out loud, and Dongwoo was still so incredibly confused. "No wonder you looked familiar. I'm the musical director for KBS Radio 2, and you used to be our chief engineer, didn't you? There's a joke that's still going around the technicians about you. Or not, like, you, but I guess the people who've had that job after you. They keep saying they're never going to find another Jang Dongwoo, so whenever someone gets offered a promotion, they end up turning it down because they know no one's going to take them seriously."

Dongwoo smiled at that- he really did. He knew he was good at what he did and was pretty well liked among his coworkers and employees back at the station, but he didn't expect this. "Why would that matter? It's not like they took me seriously either," Dongwoo joked, feeling a little energy returning to him.

Myungsoo laughed at his joke, which made him feel just that much better. "My phone is dead right now, but how about I give you my number and you text me so I have yours? I can give it to my boss along with a good word and he can call you in for an interview?" he suggested, and Dongwoo was silently thanking god for having met this man today. This could honestly be his break. Sure, he left that company without warning in the past, but if the man in charge is the same one who was Dongwoo's boss back then, then he was sure he could work something out. They had been on good terms, and who knows- maybe he would be willing to look past that flaw.

He handed over his phone without protest and let Myungsoo put his number in his contacts, and after thanking him another thousand times, the two finally parted ways.

~~

Things just seemed to fall into place after Dongwoo met this overly-friendly man. While he may not have his previous prestigious title as chief engineer, he doesn't mind starting over from the bottom as long as can say that he has a real job. While he may not be able to afford his own apartment yet, he's proud to say that he's on his way.

He has friends now. Friends other than Woohyun and Sunggyu. It was so shocking for Dongwoo to experience the process of being around people again and befriending them after having been isolated by Howon for so many years. As depressing as it sounds, he's come to blame that lack of socialization for why he had failed every interview until the last one.

"What's with that face?" Woohyun asked finally, fed up with watching Dongwoo text away all through dinner with a weird smile on his face. He and Sunggyu had found it quite amusing these past few weeks, always catching him frozen in place with his cellphone in hand as he types out a reply before resuming with his life with that dumb grin.

"What face?" Dongwoo asked, setting down his phone to pick his chopsticks back up and got right back to eating.

"That one. That one that you make when you're on your phone. Is someone sending you nudes?" Woohyun joked, knowing that this way, Dongwoo would definitely tell them what's going on to avoid being ridiculed.

"What?? No!" he denied predictably. "I'm just texting that guy that got me my job back."

Woohyun and Sunggyu shared a sly look. "Is that who you've been texting so much lately?" the eldest asked pointedly.

"What's it matter? I have a friend other than you two now. That's a big deal," Dongwoo said half-sarcastically before sticking his tongue out childishly at the couple in front of him.

The two laughed; they had to admit that this was a very pleasant change in their best friend.

"No really, that's it, I promise!"

~~

"Morning, what are you doing here so early?" Dongwoo greeted as he walked into the station that morning to see Myungsoo already there making coffee. If he remembered correctly from when they met at the coffee shop, he said that he liked to get an Americano before coming to work on Fridays, and that was the afternoon. It's not creepy that Dongwoo remembers that. He's just good at recalling details.

"Oh, hey hyung. I've, uh- I actually get to pick my hours pretty much, as long as I get everything done. Usually I pick evenings, but I- I have something to do tonight..." Myungsoo answered awkwardly. 

"Oh.. Okay.." Dongwoo responded back, not quite knowing what was up with the younger today. 

"Um... So how's it going?" Myungsoo tried to change the subject. Maybe it didn't seem awkward to anyone else around because Myungsoo's charming smiles were quite calming, but Dongwoo had spent enough time around him these past couple of months to notice that he was feeling awkward or uncomfortable right now. So he decided to humor him and not push the questions he had. 

"It's going alright, I guess. You wouldn't happen to know a complex relatively close to here with an empty apartment to rent for cheap?" Dongwoo asked hopefully. He'd saved up a lot so far, and was even looking into moving out of Sunggyu and Woohyun's house pretty soon. 

Myungsoo's hands froze on the coffee maching momentarily before he kept working as if his eyes weren't wide and mouth dumbly hanging open just a bit. He didn't answer until he was finished setting the machine and then he turned around, leaning back against the counter with his arms crossed over his chest and an engaging smile in place. "You can already afford something like that? How much are they paying you? I might need to go to engineering school..." he joked.

Dongwoo had to laugh at that. "Well, pretty soon at least. I've, uh, I've been staying at my friends' place, and I just wanted to get out of there as soon as possible, you know?"

"Yeah, yeah, well.... I'm renting my place right now, and y'know, I- uh- I've got an extra bedroom and I've been looking for someone to help me with rent... So.. I mean, if you want..."

Dongwoo absolutely could not figure this out. Normally Myungsoo was so straight-forward with... pretty much everything. The way he'd been stuttering and avoiding eye contact occasionally was confusing Dongwoo to no limit. 

"I mean... I'm not even going to be staying there for much longer. I'm looking to buy, so like, it could basically be yours soon enough if you wanted to stay there... I'm not making sense am I?"

Myungsoo was trying to be serious, but Dongwoo couldn't help but to laugh at his stiff demeanor right now. This was so unlike the other that Dongwoo was endlessly amused. Myungsoo was blushing at Dongwoo's obvious enjoyment in his discomfort, but that only made him laugh even harder. Even through his laughter, he knew he couldn't pass up that kind of offer.

"I'd be more than willing to check it out. When are you free?" Dongwoo was baffled that he was being the smooth one here and not Myungsoo. Usually he stumbled over his words and blurted out something unnecessary, so he was actually pretty proud of the way he was handling that kind of an invitation right now.

'Does this count as flirting??' Dongwoo's mind screamed at him. He just didn't know. He doesn't know how to read signs, or even how to flirt anymore. Five years in a domestic relationship takes away the novelty of romance, so Dongwoo doesn't even know how to recognize it anymore. 'Would I mind if he's flirting...?' He was pretty sure he didn't want any kind of romantic relationship with anyone quite yet, but... there's nothing wrong with having flirty banter with one single person, is there?

"We can go after work, if you want! What time do you get off today?"

"... I thought you had something to do tonight? That's why you came in early..."

"Right!" Myungsoo tried to catch himself. "You're right, yeah. I forgot about that. How about I just text you and you can come see it sometime this weekend?"

Dongwoo held in a chuckle; he didn't want to make the younger feel even more uncomfortable, especially after such an offer. "Yeah. That'd be great," he responded, pouring himself some of the freshly brewed coffee into a styrofoam cup and nodding his head at Myungsoo in farewell. "I've got to go, but I'll see you later. Thank you so much, by the way!" he called back cheerfully.

"Yeah, no problem!"

Dongwoo closed the door to their break room and sighed wistfully, biting his lip as he leaned against the wall. Even if nothing were to come from this, he still hoped that he was the reason Myungsoo was so flustered today. He didn't know why today would be different from any other day, but he could still hope that he was behind that awkward smile. As much as he didn't want to lead Myungsoo on and then have to tell him that he's just too damaged for something normal, he just wanted that feeling of butterflies one more time. He'd stop it before it goes too far.

Just on the other side of the door, Myungsoo was mentally beating himself up. He groaned as soon as the door closed behind Dongwoo and grumbled quietly as he went about preparing his own coffee. Had he given himself away too much? He just couldn't help but offer up that spare room... He didn't really need help with rent, and it would still only be temporary since he was actually looking for a place to buy, but there's nothing wrong with helping a friend out. He's giving him a chance to take the apartment once he moves, that's all. Nothing more to it.

That doesn't explain, however, why he gave up his precious sleep to come into work in the morning just because it had already been a few days since he'd last seen this new friend of his... And he had no idea what this feeling inside of him was. None of this made sense. How can he already want to call Dongwoo one of his best friends if they've only formally known one another for a couple of months? Why does he just want to be close to him? Nothing was adding up.

~~

"Is that the last thing?" Woohyun asked sadly as he helped his friend to stuff a jacket into the already overly filled suitcase.

"I think so..." Dongwoo concluded. It wasn't hard to keep track of his limited belongings- it only took up one suitcase and one additional bag. He hadn't bothered to fight for legal rights to any of the things he shared with Howon, so he stuck with his necessities only. "Thanks for helping me."

"Of course," Woohyun heartily agreed. He was sad to see his friend go, but knew that it was a good step for him that he needed to take. "Do you want me to drive you over there?" he offered further, only wanting to savour this for as long as he could.

Dongwoo smiled gratefully. "That'd be great," he agreed, obviously picking up on Woohyun's implications. Had it been any other day, he wouldn't allow Woohyun or Sunggyu to go out of their way to help him when he could obviously handle doing this with a taxi.

"Babe, do you want to come?" Woohyun yelled towards the kitchen.

"Oh, are you leaving now?" the oldest popped his head into the living room. At Dongwoo's nod, Sunggyu smiled. "Sure, I'll come."

The three made their way to the car, Woohyun and Sunggyu carrying both of Dongwoo's bags as he called after them saying that he could do it himself, and then all three of them climbed into Woohyun's car and drove away. A familiar scene, really, but Dongwoo wouldn't want it any other way. He loved his best friends dearly, and even though they always tried to do too much for him, he always felt comfortable in their presence. Like he could truly be himself.

Maybe that's cheesy, but he couldn't be like that with a lot of other people. At one point, he couldn't even be like that with Howon. The beginning had been nice, but he seemed to have lost his ability to be that open somewhere along the way, and he only kept it with Woohyun and Sunggyu. He was getting to be that comfortable with Myungsoo too, which is the only reason he was allowing himself to move in with him. Sure, it's only a roommate basis, but that took a lot of courage for Dongwoo and he doesn't expect anyone else to understand that. Letting someone new into your life after having been isolated and brainwashed is more than terrifying, and Dongwoo wasn't even sure his two best friends understood the gravity of it. But it didn't matter, because he wasn't taking this step for them; he was doing it for himself.

Myungsoo greeted him at the door after Dongwoo managed to successfully convince his friends that they didn't need to follow him up to the third floor just to make sure he wasn't moving in with a tattoo-covered, leather-clad gang leader. "Come on in! You should have called me to help you carry up your things! Do you need to make another trip?" he asked politely as the slightly older man stepped into his flat at his welcome.

"Ah- no.. This is all, but thank you," Dongwoo laughed.

"Oh. Okay. Well, you know where your bedroom is. I've got something on the stove, but as soon as it's done, I can help you unpack."

"I'll be fine, it won't take long. Thanks though, I'll be right out," Dongwoo said sincerely as he moved further into the flat, making his way to where he knew his new bedroom to be from when he came to see this place before he made his decision. It really was a nice apartment; there was plenty of space, but it wasn't too big. He was sure it'd be much lonlier once Myungsoo moved out, but he didn't have to worry about that just yet. 

"Oh, and I'm cooking for two, I'll tell you when it's ready!" Myungsoo called from the kitchen, loud enough that Dongwoo would hear from his new room. The older smiled. He didn't respond, but he didn't really think he needed to. It was sweet of Myungsoo to make him dinner on his first night here; he didn't have to do something like that.

He took his time unpacking his things and filling the small dresser with his limited amount of clothes. He put the soaps that Woohyun and Sunggyu had bought for him months ago into the shower in his tiny bathroom. Maybe it was slightly cramped, but it's not like he could fill up all the space anyway. The whole place was more cute than it was stuffy. Right across from his room was Myungsoo's, which had its own bathroom as well, and both doors were open to the living area which included a full kitchen (not that Dongwoo was planning on cooking often, but from his years working at a cafe, he'd found baking pastries to be somewhat theraputic. Sunggyu and Woohyun surely hadn't been complaining about his recent habit).

Once he was fully finished unpacking and had stuffed the empty suitcase into the bottom of his narrow closet, he allowed himself to flop down exhaustedly onto his perfectly-made bed. He'd bought sheets specifically to fit this bed, and his best friends had willingly handed over the extra blankets they had lying around in closets. It didn't have a beautiful comforter with matching fancy pillow cases, but it was a bed and it was his and he was paying for it and it wasn't his friends' couch. That was the important part.

By the time Myungsoo knocked on the door to alert him that he had food ready, there was no answer. Not wanting to be rude but still a little concerned, he cracked open the door to peek inside only to see Dongwoo fully asleep on his made bed in his regular clothes. Myungsoo smiled, though he wasn't exactly sure why. He didn't know whether or not he should wake up his new housemate, but figured that Dongwoo wasn't a rude person and wouldn't hold it against him if he shouldn't have awoken him.

"Dongwoo-hyung?" he called out, but the older man didn't stir. "Hyung!" he said even louder, still yielding no response. Myungsoo's eyebrows furrowed and he took a few steps closer so he was right by the bed. "Hyung wake up," he demanded while tapping him on the shoulder. Still, Dongwoo didn't budge. "Yah! Hyung!" he tried again, louder. He tried not to yell because he didn't want the other to wake up in a panic, but he simply wasn't responding to anything else. Myungsoo sat on the edge of the bed so he could get some leverage as he shook the body laying there even harder, both hands gripping the older's shoulder. "Hyung~" he whined, repeatedly pushing his body weight against Dongwoo's side in futile attempts at waking the man.

With a huff, Myungsoo gave up. He fell asleep anyway, so he probably wasn't that hungry. That must mean that he was exhausted, especially if he hasn't woken up even after all he'd tried, so Myungsoo should probably not mess with it anymore. He rolled his eyes in amusement as he stood and made his way back out of the room. He turned the light off in the room with a click on his way out when he heard sounds of movement on the bed.

"Hmm..." came the tired groan. Myungsoo turned back around to face the room slowly, his eyes wide.

Seriously? Myungsoo's constant heckling, shaking, and yelling hadn't woken him, but the flick of a lightswitch does? Seriously?!

"Myungsoo? Oh, I'm sorry," Dongwoo was mumbling, sitting up and ruffling his messed-up hair back into place. Somewhat. "I didn't mean to fall asleep! It hasn't been long, has it?" he asked, slightly worried as he scrambled to find his phone to check the time.

"Ah, no..." Myungsoo responded, gaining his senses back. "I was just coming in to wake you up because dinner is ready..."

"Oh!" Dongwoo exclaimed happily once he found his phone and confirmed it hadn't been long. "Well thank you, Myungsoo!"

... "Yeah. No problem."

~~

Dongwoo liked this.

He liked living with a friend without feeling like he was interrupting something, which is what he always felt when he was around Sunggyu and Woohyun. Don't misunderstand- the two made him feel very comfortable and accepted, but he always felt that he was intruding on their relationship with his constant presence at their house. 

But Dongwoo just liked times like this, where neither he nor Myungsoo had work or plans for the evening so they would sit there in their small living room together doing nothing but emptying cans of beer and laughing at each other's stories. It was so normal that Dongwoo couldn't help but allow his heart to flutter uncontrollably. He didn't remember a time when he could be like this around one person. He probably could with Sunggyu or Woohyun, but they were always a pair- never separating from one another- that he hadn't had time to test it in so long.

Moments like this though, this was what he appreciated the most in his recovery. It didn't remind him of the way he used to be Howon because Howon isn't here and Myungsoo is. He never mentioned Howon once to Myungsoo, and he was glad that the younger didn't pry into why he was in the state that he was when the two met at that coffee shop.

He'd been living here in this apartment for several months already, and he was still curious as to why it was taking Myungsoo so long to move out like he had wanted to. Not that he was complaining- he enjoyed the company of the younger and he was actually dreading the moment that he would leave for good, limiting their interaction to work and the occasional hang-out.

So he brought it up that night as they sat themselves on the floor with their backs against the cheap couch- not quite practical when there was a couch to be sitting on, but what's that matter when you can be this comfortable on the floor? Dongwoo had just tipped back the rest of the contents of his second drink when he turned his head to the side. 

"Myungsoo?" he said quite suddenly, only realizing after he said it that he'd interrupted the younger from speaking in doing so.

Myungsoo paused in his pointless chatter about the economy when he heard Dongwoo speak up for the first time in a while. See, anyone else would have raised an eyebrow at the older for interrupting the way he did (or if it was one of his two best friends, they probably would have smacked him in the forehead before ignoring him and continuing to speak) but Myungsoo only cocked his head to the side and nodded for him to say what was on his mind.

"I thought you were looking to move out of here..." he trailed off. When Myungsoo's eyebrows furrowed, he felt the need to justify himself. "I mean, it's not like I'm trying to kick you out of your own place or anything, I was just curious. Because it doesn't even seem like you're looking for a new place."

Myungsoo laughed and Dongwoo's cheeks flushed in embarrassment, hoping he hadn't offended the other.

"I haven't been," the younger confirmed, smiling widely as he nodded, grabbing another beer and passing it off to Dongwoo once he realized that he was out. The older accepted it gratefully, but refrained from opening it until this was cleared up.

"What do you mean? Did you change your mind?"

"I guess you could say that." Myungsoo's vague responses were making Dongwoo's head spin, and not just because he was beginning to get tipsy. Apparently, Dongwoo's extended silence unconsciously prompted Myungsoo to continue in his explanation. "I liked spending time with you here," he admitted, blushing. That's right, Myungsoo was blushing right now, and Dongwoo practically had to do a double take.

He was glad he hadn't opened his new drink yet because he felt like he could've just spit it everywhere after what he just heard. Myungsoo probably didn't mean it in the way that Dongwoo was thinking, but it didn't fail to make his heart race. The older only cleared his throat before finally popping open his can. "How much have you been drinking?" he asked jokingly before taking a sip.

Myungsoo laughed again and lifted his face up so Dongwoo could see his shy smile. And that was it, Dongwoo was already looking around to count the empty cans, but only got to four, and two were his, so... Myungsoo had only had two cans of beer to drink, which means that it probably wasn't the alcohol talking....

"Not any more than you," Myungsoo retorted, reaching for a new can himself before settling his back against the sofa again. "I meant it, though," he continued, lowering his head once again. "It's way better here with you than living by myself, even if I can call that place my own." 

Dongwoo watched in mute fascination as Myungsoo downed his third can in only a few gulps, probably feeling awkward now. Still, Dongwoo had a hard time finding his words, so he remained silent. Again.

"Hyung," Myungsoo began urgently after clearing his throat and placing the empty can down on the floor next to him dutifully. That caused Dongwoo to perk up immediately at the tone of voice the younger was using.

"...Yes?" he prompted when Myungsoo still hadn't said anything.

Myungsoo was staring at the floor where he still had his hand wrapped tightly around the aluminum can. "Hyung, I haven't left because I like your company. I like you, hyung, and I just- I just wanted you to know. I do like you."

Dongwoo's eyes widened. "Y-You already said that, Soo..." he commented. He wanted- no, he needed Myungsoo to be talking about friendship here. Sure, Dongwoo was pretty positive at this point that what he was feeling towards his friend was something more than friendship, but he just... he just couldn't. Hearing it out loud had made things too real- it was better when it was just a fantasy in his head.

"Not like that." And with those three words, Myungsoo confirmed Dongwoo's fears. He had no idea why this frightened him so much, but it was dangerous enough when he was simply entertaining the possibilities in his mind. Now that it was out loud, in the air, Dongwoo just didn't know what to do, what to say. There's no way he and Myungsoo could possibly be together; Dongwoo couldn't handle anything like that right now. It had been so long since he'd left Howon, but the scars left on his heart were too much to be healed by something so hesitant and uncertain.

"I-" Dongwoo started after a while of silence, but cut himself off, not knowing where he was even planning on going with that. It became quiet again. "I can't- ... I-" he whispered.

"I don't expect you to do anything about it," the younger mumbled, his cheeks flared up in shades of red and his fingers finally releasing their hold on the can and stretching out. "I just thought it would be fair to tell you. I know that whatever happened to you is keeping you from being in the present, and I don't even need to know if you like me back, I just... Wanted you to know."

Myungsoo's bravery was so admirable, that no matter what state Dongwoo was in right now, he felt that he couldn't leave the younger with no answer whatsoever. So as soon as Myungsoo tried to change the subject, Dongwoo brought it right back.

"I don't think I can right now, Myungsoo. I- I- I think... I think that I like you too, it's just... I haven't caught up with you I guess. I'm not... I don't think I'm... ready. I know this doesn't make any sense to you, but I just... wanted you to know," he repeated Myungsoo's own words at the end of his awkward confession. He didn't want to get into the Howon situation with Myungsoo, not when what they had was so fresh. He didn't want to spoil it with talk about his abusive past. Talking about Howon always turned things sour, and he didn't want to do that with Myungsoo- one he wanted to be with so badly. He didn't know what exactly was holding him back. It had been a very long time since he and Howon broke up and it wasn't like he missed Howon still, but... there was still that thing. That thing nagging at him deep inside. He couldn't pinpoint what exactly that thing was, but for now, all he could do was listen to it. 

Myungsoo noticed Dongwoo's hesitance. "Hyung, you really don't need to tell me. I don't need to know whatever it is that's bothering you right now. We'll be alright. If it's okay with you, I really just want to keep being friends. I haven't really felt this alive in so long and I don't want to pressure you to tell me something you don't want to or scare you away or anything."

Dongwoo sighed deeply at Myungsoo's comforting words, closing his eyes and leaning his head back. He pulled his knees up lazily and rested his forearms on them out in front of him. Dongwoo's actions in themselves were enough of a response that Myungsoo needed, and the conversation seemed to come to a clean close.

"I didn't know you were gay..." Dongwoo muttered after some time, glancing over his shoulder to look at his friend with a small, amused smile on his face.

In return, Myungsoo could only laugh and blush- again. (Jesus, Dongwoo hadn't known Myungsoo to ever blush, what was happening tonight? ... Must've been the alcohol...) "Neither did I."

Dongwoo laughed back. "Are you trying to tell me you're not gay? Because I didn't think I'd have to actually tell you after all this time, but I am a guy."

Myungsoo leaned forward, his laughter not stopping now that the tense atmosphere had lifted for a more joking tone. "No, I mean that I'd never actually looked at another guy like that. I've never had a boyfriend before."

Dongwoo had to shake his head violently to get all sexual thoughts out of his mind, unsure of why he instantly thought of how it would be like... Myungsoo's first time with a man... And he wanted it to be with him.

Dongwoo only cleared his throat and smiled back. "Welcome to homosexuality, my dear Myungsoo," he joked further. 

Myungsoo was shaking his head in amused disbelief at Dongwoo's behavior. Most of all, he felt so relieved that Dongwoo wasn't running away or not talking to him right now. It had felt so good to get that off of his chest, and he honestly didn't expect anything to come out of it. It went exactly the way it had in his mind when he pondered the scenario a million times before getting the guts to confess in person. It just felt great to get it off of his chest. He knew that even though Dongwoo obviously had some issues he had to deal with first, he wouldn't have been rude about Myungsoo's confession. He was too kind of a person.

He hoped he had a chance- one day in the future. He'd wait.

~~

It took several more weeks after that night for Dongwoo to even realize how close he'd been getting with Myungsoo over the months. 

Granted, Dongwoo touched everybody shamelessly. He thought nothing of grabbing someone's butt or giving them big hugs for no reason or seeking someone out to cuddle. But after Myungsoo's confession, he started being more and more aware of everything he'd been doing so naturally lately.

On Sunday mornings when he would sleep in and occasionally wake up to a homecooked breakfast, and he would thank Myungsoo with a big kiss on his cheek. He would pat him on the butt affectionately on his way out the door in the afternoons. During the work week, Dongwoo would sometimes sleep through his alarm, causing Myungsoo to come and wake him up personally. That resulted in Dongwoo tiredly pulling the younger into his bed and cuddling him like a teddy bear. And with Myungsoo being the affectionate person he is, he would just cuddle right back without protesting. Only now did Dongwoo consider that Myungsoo tolerated it because of his feelings for him. He didn't want to lead the other on, but he simply couldn't stop being himself. He couldn't stop touching Myungsoo altogether. 

This wasn't fair to Myungsoo. 

This all dawned on Dongwoo one morning when he had the younger tucked into his arms when he'd pulled him into his bed. Dongwoo's face was buried in Myungsoo's hair as the younger giggled away at the bizarre yet familiar actions.

"Hyung, you actually have to get up today," Myungsoo prompted, but made no move to get back up. "You need to leave in half an hour."

"Myungsoo-yah...." Dongwoo mumbled, his arms tightening around the other's body.

Myungsoo didn't seem to pick up on the seriousness in his friend's tone, and simply wiggled his way up in Dongwoo's arms until he could look him in the face. His wistful expression faded to a look of concern when he saw Dongwoo's sad expression. "What's wrong, hyung?"

"I'm sorry," was all Dongwoo could say at first. At Myungsoo's confused expression, Dongwoo felt the need to elaborate. "I'm sorry for doing this to you."

"Doing what to me? Are you okay?"

Of course Myungsoo would be concerned about Dongwoo's wellbeing when he was probably hurting over his fruitless crush on the older man. That's just the way that he was. And Dongwoo loved that. He loved every little quality about Myungsoo, but... could he handle being with him the way that he wanted to.

"I want to try," he admitted after a deep breath. "You know, if you still- ..." Dongwoo trailed off, hoping his wasn't overstepping any boundaries. He hoped Myungsoo still had feelings for him, and he absolutely didn't want to ruin this. But he wanted to give his heart another chance. 

"Try...?" the younger prompted, not quite understanding- or he understood completely and he just didn't want to jump to conclusions.

"Y-You know that I like you too, Myungie. I- I want to give it a try," he whispered nervously, audibly gulping down his insecurities in that moment. "If you're still willing..."

Myungsoo swallowed hard. He'd been waiting to hear this, but he didn't think he ever would. He was already struggling with coming to terms with the fact when Dongwoo threw this curveball at him. "I- I... Are you serious? Do you promise? I don't want to rush you, don't feel like you have to just because I said that I- .. I mean, I would feel terrible if this isn't want you really wanted-"

"I'm sure," he cut the younger off of his ranting. "I- I can't promise you anything, but I just.. I feel like I might be ready for a relationship.. If that's what you wanted..."

"Of- of course that's what I wanted," Myungsoo cleared his throat. "And I don't mind that you can't promise anything. I'm just touched that you'd trust me enough to try it," the younger beamed, his words entirely sincere. The way he looked at Dongwoo was with such excitement that Dongwoo couldn't help but crush him back in his arms in a hug.

Normally, Dongwoo would think that this time of day is absolutely inhumane to be making decisions- he was absolutely not a morning person- but he'd been thinking for so long that his mind must have already been made up long ago, so he was certain about his choice. And Myungsoo's giddy laughter was only reinforcing that he wasn't wrong in this. It really was worth a shot. If it worked out, it could be something absolutely beautiful...

"Now get up, you said I have to leave soon!"

".... It can wait a little bit longer."

~~

The two had been planning their first date for days now. It was silly to have to plan things like this when they were already living together, but if they didn't have a proper first date, Dongwoo was sure that it wouldn't feel as special as it could. It's not like they had planned anything extravagant- they were just going to visit a new science exhibit at a local museum in the city and Myungsoo knew Dongwoo would like it because there would be a real dinosaur skeleton there. Of course, he hadn't told Dongwoo that; he wanted to see his excited face when he was surprised by it in person.

Myungsoo couldn't deny that he was a hopeless romantic, and he'd been dreaming of finally taking Dongwoo out on a date for so long. That meant that he'd had all this time to fantasize about things he could say to the other and moves that would be appropriate to make this soon. He figured kissing was out of the question, considering Dongwoo's hesitance to be in a relationship in the first place. Hand holding might be okay. He'll have to see.

Still, he couldn't help but be curious about what it would be like to kiss Dongwoo, with those big, full lips and large mouth. He wondered if kissing guys would be like kissing girls, or if kissing Dongwoo was even like kissing other guys... Sure, he'd been in relationships before, but he had no idea what to do with a man, which made him feel so inexperienced and insecure when it came to Dongwoo. He knew Dongwoo wouldn't ridicule him though, which is why he allowed himself to confess to him in the first place.

Myungsoo was making sure he had everything before he drove to the studio to drop off some documents. Walking into the building, he noticed first some of his coworkers calling out greetings to him. Myungsoo said hello back to each and every one politely, unable to help his smiley mood today. When Myungsoo arrived at the office he was looking for, he knocked once before letting himself in as if he owned the place- because he kind of did, at least partially. He was at the top of his division and he'd been working with the higher-ups for over a year now.

"Oh hey, what are you doing here?" the station's production director welcomed him amicably, swiveling in his chair to face the door through which Myungsoo had just entered.. 

"Hi Soohyun-ssi, I just came by to drop this off. It'll be good until tomorrow," Myungsoo replied, tucking his folder of documents into a file drawer. He greeted the others in the room softly as well.

"But what about the contract wi-"

"I'll get to it tomorrow," Myungsoo assured Soohyun. "I'm busy today. You can't make me work on my day off," he teased, closing the metal storage cabinet gently so it wouldn't make that annoying clanging noise that he hated to much.

"Fine, fine," Soohyun played along. "You haven't requested a day off in ages. What are you so busy with? Finally got a hot date?"

Myungsoo was quite proud to say- "Actually, yes. And if you'll excuse me, I've got to get to that now." He turned and left the room before he could hear anyone's responses to that. He made his way to the elevator to go down a couple floors to where I knew the technicians worked. They'd practically taken up the entire basement to the building, and usually people who weren't in that line of work never bothered to go down there for any reason other than technical difficulties or favors to ask. Or pages who were delivering lunch or something. This was the engineers' home base. They ventured out often to run things during live broadcasts, but they always ended up back down here for some reason. It was like geek-central, but thankfully, hardly any of them were wierdos.

Myungsoo didn't let the array of wires affect him as he walked around the machinery and busy people, looking for one person in specific. Seeing someone familiar, Myungsoo made his way over to the woman who had her glasses perched low on her nose.

"Jiae-ssi," he called out to get her attention, not wanting to interrupt her from whatever she was doing. 

"Oppa!" she exclaimed happily when she looked up to see Myungsoo before her. "What are you doing down here?"

"Looking for Dongwoo-hyung. Have you seen him?"

Jiae got a sly look on her face. "He's in the break room with the others, but you really shouldn't bother him. He's in the middle of something really important," she stressed, which made Myungsoo's eyebrows crease. How important could it be if he was doing it in the break room? Jiae was trying to hide a snicker by covering her mouth with the back of her hand.

"Alright, well thank you, Jiae-ssi. It was nice to see you again. Do you think you'll be back up in productions any time soon? Soohyun will need help with the broadcast for tomorrow since they're short, and, well.. you know," Myungsoo ended suggestively, knowing that Soohyun definitely had a thing for Jiae, and Jiae had a thing for anyone who was willing to listen to her technical rants or her science fiction movie reviews for longer than a couple minutes. The two were perfect together.

"Ah we'll see. Well, it was no problem, oppa!" she giggled, trying to hide her blush. How someone so cute was such a huge geek baffled Myungsoo. But then again, Dongwoo was also one of these geeks, and he had a date with him today. Soon, actually. 

That brought him back to the present, and Myungsoo made his way towards the break room that was close by only to hear yells and cheers coming from inside. Recalling what Jiae said about Dongwoo being busy, his mind reeled once again. What the hell? Nonetheless, he pushed open the door to see a huge crowd had formed around their single television set. 

Myungsoo had to push his way around to even see what the commotion was about. When he made his way to the front of the group, he saw that it was just a video game match (granted, a very intense video game match) between Dongwoo and one effeminate looking boy in a page uniform. The full bags of food sat behind him at the table, proving that he'd gotten sucked into this just after having brought lunch down for the technicians, and everyone was too absorbed in the game to realize there was food there. Myungsoo glanced at the screen to see it split into two parts. Probably Call of Duty or some fighting game like that. Myungsoo didn't really know his way around video games.

Based on the cheers when one half would make kills, he noticed that Dongwoo's character was on top, he was currently winning, and most of the people present in the break room were cheering for his side. Myungsoo smirked as he leaned against the wall with his arms crossed as he watched the match come to a close. As expected, the top screen won, and judging by the high fives Dongwoo was receiving, he knew his assumptions were right. Dongwoo turned to his companion- still not having noticed Myungsoo's presence- and performed some weird, short handshake with the page. 

"Nice game, Sungjong-ah! You're getting better! Next time, you should play against one of the others again though."

"I hope you've learned your lesson!" one of the ones from the crowd had shouted playfully. "You don't challenge Dongwoo-hyung to anything!"

Dongwoo only laughed, but refused to poke fun at the embarrassed page just like the others were. "Thanks for lunch, Sungjongie. See you tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow," the skinny kid nodded with a sincere smile on his face. "And next time I'm playing you!" he shouted, pointing at whoever had been jeering at him moments earlier. "See if you can actually match up to what you say you are," he said with a wink as he left the room. It was as the crowd dispersed that Myungsoo finally pushed himself off of the wall to approach Dongwoo at the table.

"So you like to crush the poor pages in your spare time, huh?" he asked with a playful sneer. "And here I thought I'd be interrupting your work and having to wait until you were done so we could go, but you were just playing Call of Duty, weren't you?" he pressed.

Dongwoo's eyes widened as he realized Myungsoo's presence. He pushed away his box of takeout as he laughed heartily, his big smile taking up most of his face. "I wasn't crushing him!" he denied, but made no move to refute any other argument Myungsoo made. "Besides, it was his fault. Sungjong likes to challenge us to games when he comes down to bring us lunch."

Myungsoo shook his head. He knew Dongwoo wasn't being mean to the kid, he just wanted to heckle him further. "Poor kid's probably crying right now, did you ever think of that? Here he thought he could face up to the ultimate Dongwoo-"

"Myungsoo, stop!" Dongwoo demanded through his infections laughter, knowing Myungsoo was just joking with him. "What are you doing here anyway?"

"I came to pick you up! We're going to the museum!" Myungsoo exclaimed, happy that the moment had arrived. They had planned to just go after Dongwoo got back from work (which wouldn't have been long from now anyway), but it worked out well that Myungsoo had some paperwork he had to deliver to the building. "I had some business here, so I figured we could just leave straight from here."

"So practical," Dongwoo cooed, placing his hand delicately on Myungsoo's chest in jest. "Alright, I'm good to go then. Can I bring this?" he asked, smiling cheekily as he held the takeout box next to his face so he could see his big begging eyes at the same time. "I didn't get to eat because I was so busy-"

"Playing games," Myungsoo interrupted.

"Shut up. Either way."

Myungsoo chuckled. "Of course you can. Eat it in the car, let's go," he pressed, pushing Dongwoo towards the door out of the break room already. 

"Myungie what are you doing?" Dongwoo laughed. 

Myungsoo's heart flipped when he had called him that (Myungie, instead of Myungsoo), but he had to try his best to not let it show. When Dongwoo was resisting too much, he couldn't help himself and hauled Dongwoo up into his arms and over his shoulder. Dongwoo had squealed at first (Dongwoo was a man, dammit, but he was fully willing to admit when he squealed about something) but when he righted himself, he couldn't stop laughing again. "Myungsoo-yah!! What are you doing?" he wailed, smacking the younger on the back since it's pretty much the only place he could reach from this position as Myungsoo began walking again, towards the elevator now.

"You were slow," was Myungsoo's simple response. To Dongwoo, he sounded cool and collected, like it was a badass line in a movie or something. But that's just because Dongwoo couldn't see the smile on his face that he was trying to supress by biting his lip.

Because Dongwoo is such an agreeable person, instead of fighting more, he simply found a new way to hold his takeout container so it could stay upright. It must have been a sight to see- a giggling Dongwoo tossed over Myungsoo's shoulder as they made their way about purposefully. Only once the two were in the elevator did Myungsoo lower Dongwoo back to his feet and help him to straighten out. 

"You're so strong," Dongwoo commented as he was eased down to the ground. 

~~

Only when Dongwoo tried to explain exactly how their date went to Sunggyu and Woohyun later did he realize how idiotic the two must have looked at the studio.

"So wait, he just... tossed you on over his shoulder and walked through a crowd of people?"

"... I guess, yeah, but I haven't even gotten to the part at the museum yet!" Dongwoo whined, clearly excited to share the story.

Sunggyu and Woohyun only rolled their eyes a shared a look before prompting him to continue. "Okay hyung, what happened at the museum?"

"There were dinosaurs! There was a giant T-Rex made out of bones and then we got to watch this video, and- oh, did you know that they don't know what colors dinosaurs actually were? All the ones in movies are basically just guesses, I think..."

Sunggyu and Woohyun said nothing to interrupt their friend's excited rant- it had been so long since Dongwoo was enthusiastic about anything that the way he was acting right now was more of a relief than an oddity. "But what about Myungsoo? I get that there was lots of dinosaur stuff, but what happened between you and Myungsoo?"

Dongwoo snapped out of his previous monologue and redirected his attention the way that Sunggyu wanted him to. "Oh it was great, he's being really respectful and it's awesome."

"That is awesome," Woohyun agreed, pleased that someone who didn't even know Dongwoo's situation was so willing to be gentle and polite with his hyung. "I'm really happy for you, hyung," he gushed, because it was entirely true. He had been so worried, especially after hearing how Dongwoo felt about himself after his breakup with Howon. "Remember when you said you weren't a catch? What'd you say, something about never finding anyone else?"

Dongwoo blushed and looked down at his lap with a shy smile. "I mean, it was only one date. There's still plenty of time for him to get bored with me."

Sunggyu and Woohyun shared incredibly confused looks. "You?" the eldest questioned incredulously. "Someone could get bored around you?"

Dongwoo laughed awkwardly, realizing the fault in his word choice. "No, I just mean- like, because I'm afraid to be intimate with him, you know? And if I can't move as quickly as he wants to, then he'll get bored." It was silent for a couple of seconds.

"Have you tried telling him that you want to go slowly? Make sure both of you are on the same page, because if he's as serious about this as you want him to be, then he's going to respect it. If he doesn't, then he's clearly not the kind of guy you need," Sunggyu advised.

"Hm," Dongwoo hummed noncommittally. Sunggyu had a point, but Dongwoo thought that even if Myungsoo had wanted to move faster, he would do it anyway. Just because he wants to please this man... That's not really healthy; he admits that much. But the thing that bothered him was-

"If you don't mind my asking, Woo, what are you afraid of?" Sunggyu asked hesitantly. "I understand that maybe you just don't want to get your heart broken, or maybe it's still too soon, but I think it would be easier for you if you could find out what it is exactly first."

\- exactly that. he didn't know why he was uncomfortable with intimacy- it's not like it was this difficult for him to be sexually active in the past, so why the hell can't he even kiss someone now? Dongwoo sighed heavily. "I don't know, Gyu-jiji. My brain just kind of locks up and I can't move and I don't know what to do..."

~~

It wasn't for several more weeks that he actually worked up the courage to confront Myungsoo about it. The two were still just as cuddly as ever, and they'd been out more together on dates. The people at work already knew about them being a couple- they could just tell.

But Dongwoo could tell he was getting slightly restless. Hand-holding and awesome impromptu cuddle-sessions wouldn't cut it forever. Myungsoo was clearly a touchy individual- almost as much as Dongwoo himself- and he needed more physicality in their relationship. The mere fact that after all these weeks, Myungsoo hadn't pressured Dongwoo a single time to make a step that he wasn't ready to make made Dongwoo feel like he could trust Myungsoo... a lot. Like, he may not even be afraid anymore- he was only psyched out still because that's what he was used to feeling... But...

"Myungsoo..." 

The two were walking back from the cinema hand-in-hand, not bothering to drive or even to get a taxi because the weather was just so beautiful and there was something so calming about late-night Seoul. No matter how busy or noisy the streets got, there was something Dongwoo loved about looking up and seeing bright lights illuminating everything even with a pitch black sky just beyond. It was something fascinating to him.

"Yeah?" the younger responded, looking sideways towards the slightly shorter man. 

"Can we go through the park?" There was a beautiful park on the way back to the complex, and Dongwoo adored the serenity of being around nature. That was hard to come by in the big city, which is why he loved the park. 

Myungsoo smiled at how cute Dongwoo looked at the prospect of his idea, so there was no way he could refuse the offer. "Of course."

Suddenly, Dongwoo's hands were sweating. He was thankful that it was nearing winter again, so they were wearing gloves and Myungsoo wouldn't be able to tell. But he was nervous all of a sudden... He wanted to tell Myungsoo about Howon. He simply couldn't see their relationship advancing- which he was now more than certain that he wanted- without sharing his fears.

As they redirected their course slightly, Dongwoo began mentally preparing himself.

"Is something bothering you?" Myungsoo asked in a concerned tone of voice when he noticed how quiet the older was being. It was an odd occurance when Dongwoo could keep his mouth shut for this long, which made Myungsoo intrigued as to what was plaguing the other's mind.

"I just wanted to talk somewhere that's not so loud, where there aren't as many people around."

Myungsoo took note of how quietly Dongwoo was speaking, and only held the older's hand just a bit tighter in unspoken comfort; he didn't think there was any response necessary.

Dongwoo was thankful for the silence so he could have time to think about how to word everything. Before he knew it, he was pulling Myungsoo towards a bench right by a large, beautiful snow-covered tree- likely the tallest in the whole park. During the summer months, Dongwoo loved the shade provided by the big leaves this tree had; it made him feel protected. Maybe it'll have that effect even when there were hardly any leaves left on it.

Myungsoo followed obediently, and then waited patiently for the older to speak once the two were seated.

"I'm sorry that I haven't exactly been able to give you everything you want..." he began.

"What are you talking about?" Myungsoo questioned, turning his body to face Dongwoo.

"I'm afraid of being close to you, Myungsoo. I'm afraid of this becoming serious, but I really, really want it." He paused to take a deep breath. "It hasn't even been a full year since I left my last boyfriend. We were together for five years, and it's just really hard for me to get over it. His name was Howon... After a while, he just.. he stopped being himself... I've had... a really hard time with trust since then. He was hurting me- physically- and I dealt with it for longer than I should have because we had been together for so long and I didn't think I could ever find someone else if I tried. So I just- I'm sorry that I've made you go so slowly, but... I guess it's stupid to say that I think you're going to hurt me, but I don't know what else to think. I don't want you to be offended that I haven't fully trusted you or anything, but Howon didn't do anything until we had a serious, physical relationship, and I'm afraid that if I ever get that close with someone else, then it'll just end the same way, and it was so hard to walk away the first time that I don't think I could do it again..."

Dongwoo was so proud of himself for getting through that without crying, but he didn't have the presence of mind to rejoice in that fact. Instead, his thoughts were filled with anxiety and nervousness. What would Myungsoo say? Why was it taking him so long to say it?

"Don't... Don't apologise..." It came after a very long, extended silence that was making Dongwoo's stomach do flips and tie itself in knots. 

"It's just, I really like you Myungsoo, and I want to be close to you," Dongwoo blurted out, speaking faster than he ever remembered speaking before. "But.. But I just..."

"Hey," Myungsoo interrupted when Dongwoo looked as if he might start hyperventilating soon. "Don't panic, it's fine. Don't be upset." He reached for the older's gloved hands and could feel them shaking in his. "I told you that I'm fine with how we are. I want you Dongwoo, not your body. You don't have to justify not wanting to be intimate with me, because I'm going to respect your decisions no matter what."

It's exactly because of this that Dongwoo feels he might be ready for having that kind of relationship with Myungsoo. He's so incredibly considerate of Dongwoo- he had been even before he knew the truth.

"I'm really sorry to hear about that guy; you never deserved to be treated like that, Dongwoo. You're such a beautiful kind-hearted person and to think that there are people out there who don't cherish something that rare is terrible... I don't know how to convince you that I wouldn't dream of laying a single finger on you in any kind of violent way, but if it takes years of us just being the way we are now, then I would have absolutely no problem with that," he continued with a charming smile that made Dongwoo's heart melt and his stomach stop hurting. 

"You didn't ask for this..."

"Well I am now. Maybe it wasn't what I was expecting at the beginning, but it's not going to make me change my mind about you. I care so much about you that I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get your trust in your own time. What do you need me to do?"

Dongwoo was smiling now. He had gotten a little choked up, but still no tears fell. Normally, he would cry at the mere thought of Howon, but the fact that he was here with Myungsoo- someone for whom he cared so, so much- made him feel loved instead.

"Take me home so we can cuddle and watch tv all night?" Dongwoo asked cutely, looking up at Myungsoo through his long eyelashes with a beautiful smile on his face.

Myungsoo chuckled, removing one of his hands from holding onto Dongwoo's to brush across his cheek that was coloured pink from more than just the cold. He helped the older to stand up and then embraced him tightly, marveling in the sound of Dongwoo's cheerful laughter.

Much to Dongwoo's happiness, the two returned to the apartment to do just as he had requested. They had a blanket thrown over themselves as they entangled their limbs together and watched movies until they fell asleep on top of one another.

~~

Dongwoo could say that without a doubt, his birthday that year had been one of the best of his life. He started the day by sleeping in and waking up to see that Myungsoo had made him a beautiful breakfast, for which he was rewarded with one of the tightest hugs Dongwoo had ever given (he was surprised he didn't accidentally break a rib or anything). 

He was a little disappointed to discover that Sunggyu and Woohyun were going to be busy that evening when he called and asked to hang out later that night. Nonetheless, Myungsoo had planned a wonderful afternoon for the two of them and he had almost forgotten all about that disappointment. They were out the whole day, starting with a walk through Dongwoo's favorite park where they pointed out little animals scurrying around and built a snowman (it looked awful and deformed but it was adorable to them because they had so much fun creating it), a trip to the city fair where they got to ride a ferris wheel in the snow and feed each other cotton candy, lunch at the cafe where Dongwoo used to work, an outing at the mall where Myungsoo got him a dinosaur hat to keep him warm, an adventure (yes, it was quite an adventure) to the ice skating rink downtown where Dongwoo got to learn how to use ice skates for the first time (and he only fell 34 times, which is actually a major achievement for him), and finally a nice dinner at an Italian restaurant that wasn't exactly known for it's fine-dining and live classical music, but was still fancier than anything he would have thought of. He couldn't remember a time when he felt happier, and remembering what had happened on his birthday last year only made him feel even more amazing. He wasn't upset at the thought of his last birthday being nothing but tears and self-consciousness, because back then, he never would have imagined being in this kind of position, and the fact that he is now just reinforces how wonderful things have become since he met Myungsoo.

Apparently that wasn't all that Myungsoo had planned (seriously, how long had he been working to make this day so perfect?), because as the two walked back into their apartment that evening, all giggles and smiles, Dongwoo flicked on the light switch only to hear-

"SURPRISE!"

\- and that's when everything clicked into place: why Myungsoo had kept him out of the house for the entire day, that Sunggyu and Woohyun were not lying when they said they were busy tonight, and that Myungsoo was likely one of the best people on the entire planet.

Not including Sunggyu and Woohyun, it was mostly friends from work, and Dongwoo was so touched that everyone had come out simply to celebrate with him that he couldn't help but cry.

Dongwoo couldn't do anything but laugh and turn back around towards the door to hide his tears, but that only cause Myungsoo to coo at him, calling him adorable. Sunggyu and Woohyun approached as well, laughing as they pulled him into the array of people waiting to say happy birthday to him, not minding the happy tears they had missed seeing. 

Dongwoo couldn't remember the last time he had an actual birthday party, but if he could, he was pretty sure it wouldn't have been able to match up to this one- not by a long shot. Just seeing how many friends he had now was overwhelming to witness. Last year he had three people in his life- Howon, Woohyun, and Sunggyu. Now there was half the technicians from the station, many of Myungsoo's friends he'd come to know quite well by now, a few bakers from the cafe where he used to work that he'd kept somewhat in contact with... There were people he hadn't spoken to in so long who came for his birthday anyway, and that was a big deal. And there was Myungsoo too, which may just be his favorite part.

The small apartment felt crowded with this many people, but no one minded, and Dongwoo had so much fun that no one could bring themselves to think a single unhappy thought after seeing his big smiles. He caught up with the people he hadn't seen in a while, laughed at stories and inside jokes, answered lots of questions about his relationship with Myungsoo... 

Myungsoo was positive that he'd never seen Dongwoo shine so brightly before, and that alone was more than enough to make him endlessly happy as well. He was pretty sure that no one else would have this direct of an effect on his mood, but one smile from Dongwoo was enough to make his day, and seeing him upset brought forth feelings of protectiveness he never knew he possessed in the first place. Hearing about the older's previous relationship made Myungsoo's blood boil and all he wanted to do was kiss him until everything was forgotten. But it couldn't be that simple, not in any world. 

Which is exactly why he was so surprised about the events of that night...

When the last people trickled out that night, leaving Myungsoo and Dongwoo alone in a messy flat by themselves, the first thing Dongwoo did was to jump into Myungsoo's arms in a big hug. 

"Myungie, today was the best! Thank you, thank you, thank you!" he gushed, refusing to loosen the hug even a little. "This is so awesome, you're so awesome."

Normally, Myungsoo would be laughing at Dongwoo's adorable behavior, but he felt so calm right now that he did nothing but hug back with a pleased grin on his face. "I'm glad you had a good time. You definitely deserved it."

But Dongwoo didn't say anything back. He only pulled his head away and loosened his arms enough that the two could be face to face while still holding one another close. The silence was deafening, especially with the implications Myungsoo was picking up from Dongwoo's eyes. Their eye contact was lasting too long, and Myungsoo almost felt awkward. But he could sense what was happening... It wasn't hard to tell with that determined look in the older's eyes.

"Dongwoo?"

"Yeah." It wasn't a question. It was an answer. "I'm sure."

After a quick second to absorb the statement of permission fully into his veins (he needed a moment to adjust, because he'd been spending the past month and a half training himself to not think of doing things like this with his boyfriend), he slid his hands up to Dongwoo's neck- palms flat on the sides and fingers reaching around the back and into his hair. 

He wasn't as gentle as he would like to say that he was. This many weeks of waiting had built up to this moment, and Myungsoo couldn't hold back his passion as he kissed Dongwoo with abandon, right there in their trashed living room. He couldn't help it, though- the feeling of the older's finger's gripping onto his shirt and his full lips against his own were too good- even better than he'd imagined.

He pulled back half of a centimeter to take a split second to breathe before Dongwoo was coming after him again, his lips only slightly parted but it enough of an invitation that Myungsoo needed to take it to the next level. Dongwoo seemed almost shy when he loosened his jaw to let Myungsoo's tongue in, and that's not what the younger wanted him to be feeling (as cute as it was). 

So he moved his hands down the shorter man's chest and around his sides to rest them on his back- moving them up a bit when he realized they might have been too low. He wasn't pushing his luck here. Dongwoo only made a soft humming sound that may have vaguely resembled a moan as he reached back with his own hand and pushed on Myungsoo's arms until his hands were resting low on Dongwoo's back again. His arms moved up to circle around the other's neck as he broke away for air, Myungsoo's head tilted down so he could rest his forehead against his. 

Their panting breaths were mixing between them, their faces were still so close. Dongwoo had yet to open his eyes, but he began massaging the back of Myungsoo's neck with one hand while the other tangled into his thick black hair.

"Howon made me quit KBS because he thought my coworkers were flirting with me... If only he knew..."

Myungsoo grinned widely. "Maybe I was..."

"I want to teach you something..." he whispered, his eyes still closed gently.

"But it's your birthday," Myungsoo replied, still struggling to catch his breath. It was hard for him to speak- the reality still heavy for him, and being able to see his boyfriend's beauty from this close made it even harder to breathe.

"Oh trust me, I know it is." His voice had dropped about two octaves, and Myungsoo found himself gulping. "Because what I want to ask of you is really going to drive that home..." How did he go from giggling and hyperactive to calm and seductive in mere minutes? But that raises the question, what exactly does Dongwoo have in mind? ... Because he's more that sure that no matter what Dongwoo says next, he would be 200% willing to do it for him.

"And what is it you want?" Myungsoo choked out; he couldn't even bring himself to feel embarrassed about getting hard from just the voice Dongwoo was using now and the implications that were so evident.

Dongwoo slowly opened his eyes, staring captivatingly into Myungsoo's. "Your mouth."

And wow. Okay. This could mean that. Myungsoo had thought this would lead to some touching, true, but he didn't expect this. He wanted a blowjob? Okay... Okay. You can do this, Myungsoo, he tried telling himself. Of course he was ready for this, he was just nervous about his performance. He'd never been with another man before, and the only information he had to go off of was based on what he liked for himself. 

Myungsoo cleared his throat to rid himself of any last nervousness. "You're sure?" he asked, clarifying just to make sure. He pulled his head back slightly- not really wanting to ruin the mood at all, but making sure that Dongwoo wasn't just getting caught up in the moment. He wanted to know that this is really what he wanted.

Dongwoo smiled, touched that Myungsoo was still considering his feelings, and nodded profusely. Myungsoo could feel his hands clasping together behind his neck and pulling him closer again. "I trust you, Myungie. Is this okay?"

And Myungsoo had to smile at that. "Of course it's okay." Then his mouth was far too occupied by Dongwoo's to keep talking.

It seemed Dongwoo picked up on his nervousness easily, and pulled away with a grin. "Let me show you," he whispered, and Myungsoo had to bite his lip hard to keep his moan in. It was almost unseemly how turned on he was without even having done anything yet, but Donwgoo didn't give him time to feel awkward. He wrapped a hand around the other's wrist and was pulling him towards his own bedroom, glancing back occasionally to see if Myungsoo was still smiling the way he was, always turning back around pleased to find that he was.

He closed the door behind them as Myungsoo gave himself an inner peptalk- and maybe having to give yourself a peptalk to suck someone's dick is just pathetic, but no one has to know his inner thought process. Dongwoo turned to face him again and he wasted no time in pulling Myungsoo's shirt off and revealing his beautiful tanned skin. The older took in a sharp breath as he ran his hands down the other man's torso and to the waistband of his jeans. Myungsoo had his hands wrapped around the back of Dongwoo's shoulder's and the older finally rid Myungsoo of the restricting clothing- the younger stepping out of them to help the process. He toed off his own socks as Dongwoo was pushing him towards his bed.

"Sit," he ordered, and Myungsoo obeyed, sitting on the edge of the bed as Dongwoo go on his knees in front of him. He pulled the younger closer to the edge by his hips and then gently pulled off his boxers. Myungsoo had to lift his hips slightly, but he sighed once his last piece of clothing was off, feeling so wonderfully exposed. Dongwoo noticed the other's wandering eyes and smirked as he pulled off his own shirt and throwing it somewhere behind him so he could enjoy having a view. 

Myungsoo very much enjoyed that view, seeing the curve of his strong back from his position as Dongwoo leaned forward, wrapping one hand around his half-hard length, stroking it briefly before dragging his tongue all the way up to the top.

He'd tried, but Myungsoo gave up holding in his loud moan at the feeling of Dongwoo's hot mouth covering just the tip of his cock. The hand went back to stroking him, and Myungsoo had to reach forward to steady himself with a hand on Dongwoo's shoulder as his mouth sunk lower and lower... and lower... until his entire length was resting against Dongwoo's tongue, pushing up against the back of his throat.

"Oh Jesus, Dongwoo-"

The older sucked his cheeks in, sliding his way back up to the top while keeping the new suction feeling that was driving the younger absolutely crazy. His fantasies about what this mouth could do were coming to life- and they were even better than he could have ever possibly imagined. Dongwoo could take him deep, deep into his mouth, sucking hard but leaving enough room for his tongue to work its way around Myungsoo's cock even while inside his mouth.

He had one hand braced behind him and the other clenching Dongwoo's shoulder tightly, unable to pay mind to anything but the amazing sensation of Dongwoo's mouth pleasuring him. He was bobbing his head now- fast one second, his hand playing around with the base, and then slow the next, his lips reaching all the way down so there was no room for a hand. The older was making small, pleasurable noises in the back of his throat that had Myungsoo grappling for a hold on anything and fighting to not come undone.

And it felt good- better than he ever remembered this being- but this was Dongwoo's birthday. He (unwillingly) pushed on Dongwoo's shoulder, moving the older away from him and receiving a smile. The older used one hand to stroke the younger's cock slowly and brought the back of his other hand up to wipe at his mouth. "Do you think you'll know what you're doing?"

Myungsoo grinned, pulling Dongwoo up and onto his lap to straddle his hips. "I think I might," he replied in a husky voice. "You're a very good teacher, how did you know I was such a hands-on learner?" Dongwoo chuckled at the innuendo and kissed Myungsoo hard.

Myungsoo groaned into the kiss, letting Dongwoo wrap his tongue around his and take the lead. He moved his hands down to cup Dongwoo's clothed ass, pulling him ever closer, which caused him to moan right back. He was moving his hands up to Myungsoo's face, holding it against his as he pushed the rest of his own body away to stand up while bending over to keep their lips locked. Only when he was sure that Myungsoo wasn't going to break the kiss did he remove his hands to take off his own pants. The younger waited patiently as he struggled with getting the clothes off, because the second he was naked, Myungsoo was moving him to lay on the bed, fixing the pillows under his head until Dongwoo shooed him away and urged him to get on with it.

Myungsoo laughed, shifting down Dongwoo's body and pushing his knees apart to situate himself between the spread legs. He gulped down the last of his fear and tried doing just what Dongwoo had done to him, licking along the entire underside of the sizeable length before him. Several times. The feel of it was weird on his tongue, foreign and sensitive, and when he finally enclosed his lips over the tip, his tongue flicking out to taste him at last, he realized that was weird too. He didn't exactly know what he was expecting, but he put all feelings aside as he lost himself in the movement, the action of pleasuring his Dongwoo.

His hands were running down the soft skin of the other's torso, moving down his sides before pushing back up his stomach to his chest. The feeling of touching this beautiful man overpowered any remaining insecurities he may have had, and with that new confidence, he took Dongwoo's cock fully in his mouth, reveling in the broken moans slipping from his thick lips.

"That's it, Myungsoo, just like that," he mumbled breathily, running his fingers through the younger's hair, unable to keep his hands from clenching when Myungsoo started sucking. "Oh god yes, how is this your first time?"

Myungsoo chuckled around the dick down his throat, the vibrations making Dongwoo fall apart. Realizing the effect his voice had on the way Dongwoo was feeling, he removed one of his hands from the older's body, moving it down to his own length to finish himself off, knowing how good his moans would feel on Dongwoo's cock.

His theory was entirly right, and within moments, Dongwoo's back was arching as he pushed Myungsoo's head back down to the base of his cock, forcing him to take him all in. It was only slightly difficult for the younger to deep throat him once he remembered to relax the muscles in his throat to allow it in. He upped the tempo in both the hand pleasuring himself and the bobbing of his head, groaning shamelessly with only one goal in mind. He could feel the pressure building up in his own body, and he didn't hold back on any front- stroking as fast as he could, increasing the suction of his mouth in pleasure, and making sure that he was vocalizing himself.

Dongwoo didn't think he was a loud person in bed, but he was second guessing himself when he felt Myungsoo's release- yes, he could feel it, it was that intense. The younger was shaking between his legs, faltering in his actions, and Dongwoo could clearly see his eyes squeezed shut as he tried to keep himself from biting down at the pleasure of it (Dongwoo was very grateful for Myungsoo's self control when it came to that part). He was questioning himself even more when Myungsoo pulled his mouth away to suckle up and down the side of Dongwoo's length, the younger's breath coming in heavy pants and the feeling of his soft lips and wet tongue made Dongwoo want to explode.

But what really got to him was when Myungsoo tiredly brought his cum-covered hand back from his own cock to close over the tip of Dongwoo's, rubbing it- fuck, practically massaging it.

He couldn't even entertain a single thought except "fuck," which he willingly groaned out loud over and over again, wishing he could find the words to compliment the other on his actions. When Myungsoo picked up on the way the older's muscles in his thighs and abs were tightening, he moved his lips back up to enclose over Dongwoo's cock, sucking hard only a few times before he finally came undone. 

"Holy- oh my god- I- Myungsoo!" He had brought his hands underneath Dongwoo's thighs to grasp onto the front on them, his mouth descending all the way down to swallow the man's release with an ease that would have suggested that he had experience doing so had both parties not known that that wasn't the case. Dongwoo had his trembling hands gripping tightly onto Myungsoo's which were still on his thighs for leverage as he sighed audibly, coming down from his passionate high.

"Holy shit, Myungsoo..."

"Happy birthday, Dongwoo..."

"Oh god, I think I love you."

Myungsoo smiled, still breathing heavily. "I hope that's not a heat-of-the-moment kind of thing, because I'm pretty positive that I love you back."

~~

So yeah, things were pretty great after that. The remaining fear in Dongwoo's mind slipped away slowly, seeing as Myungsoo wasn't treating him any differently than he had before what happened on his birthday. In fact, he was pretty sure it had brought the two closer, now able to share a new level of intimacy with one another.

He couldn't possibly be more grateful to whatever wonderful being there was up there controlling fate for giving him Myungsoo to fix the holes that Howon had left in his heart. He couldn't ask for a better partner to be by his side every day of his life- someone he could trust to protect him and make him happy, someone to hold him in their arms at night until he fell asleep, someone to wake him up with a kiss and not complain about his morning breath... Someone to brag to Sunggyu and Woohyun about (not that they didn't like hearing their best friend sound so pleased when he went on about his perfect boyfriend).

And it wasn't that year, but the next year, Dongwoo let down that one last barrier.

"Happy New Year!" Myungsoo cheered as the clock struck midnight, signaling the start to a whole new year.

"Happy New Year, Myungsoo. I'm so happy to be here with you," Dongwoo sighed, leaning into the younger's embrace. "I love you," he added, just for extra measure. Last New Year, the couple had spent the evening at Woohyun and Sunggyu's place, having a tiny party just for the four of them with plenty of champage and kisses, but this year, Dongwoo wanted nothing more than a quiet, romantic night with his boyfriend. 

Not because he was planning anything. Of course not.

"I love you too, baby. So much."

Dongwoo smiled at the response he was expecting. "Want to know something I've been wanting to do on New Years night?"

Myungsoo moved closer on the sofa, taking only a moment to steal a taste of the older's lips. "What's that?"

"You."

Which is exactly what happened; Myungsoo couldn't exactly turn up an offer like that. Obviously, he'd never had sex with a man before, which is why Dongwoo figured he'd have to let Myungsoo be on top, but it's not like he had a problem with that. 

No, it was no problem at all.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading~ Once again, please inform me of any tags or trigger warnings I may have missed!  
> The next work in this series will be OT3 of you-know-who, and is NOT a follow-up of this fic


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